"Joga Bonito"

it is so immature to do what she did. and for some reason, I care so damn much that I let it eat away at me. well no longer. time to grow up and keep moving along. done wasting time. I fought for so long and now I’m only getting smacked in the face.

As you get older, you realize that nothing in life gets easier. As much as you wish everything could be as easy as it was in kindergarten, we know it cannot be this way. Each and every day things in our lives get harder. And every thing we do in life is a decision. They are choices that we make, sometimes whether we want to or not. The hardest part about those decisions is that the consequences are never obvious. But we live and decide in the present. Therefore, we cannot worry about the future, otherwise the present will pass us by… And we will never enjoy every precious moment we have on this earth…

Mel hacked your tumblr you suckaaaa. I want you to get off my bed so I can go to sleep already. See ya suckaaa!

Lately I feel heartless, like I don’t really give a damn about anything. I go through the day like just going through the motions. My body is there but my mind is not. I have so much on my mind, so much I want to tell, so much I wish could happen… I look at certain things and all I see are memories. I see when things used to be good. And for a split second I smile… Then I remember that all of that is “what was” not “what is.” Yeah people say that memories are great, but some times I wish that I could not remember day by day. I have so many memories about what I used to have, that I do not even think I will ever find that again. But does that even matter…? I am not even sure what does and does not matter anymore. I just feel like so empty. Like nothing else matters… My memories make me feel good for that split second, that one moment…but then I snap back to reality…and those are still just memories…

When the texts stop coming in, and the phone doesn’t ring at night. I want to text you to tell you I miss you. I wish could hug you, kiss you just one more time… You will always be my first love… There will never be another one like you…

She doesn’t even care. She probably hates me, but can I blame her? As much happiness as she brought me, the pain was never this bad. I wish I could take back what I said, even though I meant every word. She doesn’t know what it feels like. Maybe she needed to lose me to see if she understands what I was for her… I guess I’ll just have to wait and see…

Am I wrong for what I did? All I did was tell her the truth. I was just being honest with her, telling her how I felt. It feels like she wants me to be okay with her kissing other guys, and then when they fuck up I am supposed to be there, waiting… It just is not right. I love this girl to death, but to feel like I am feeling right now is something I wish no one else had to go through. I cannot be happy knowing that when she sees me things are the same, but when I go away, she is happy with another guy. I hope that she finds happiness with them… But in my heart I know that they will never make her feel the way that I did… No one will love her like I did… I know she will realize it one day, but for now, I guess I just have to let her go…

I know that I said I would always be there, and I will. But for right now I will not be the fall back of everytime a guy gives up, you just say “hey I’ve still got nick”. You are so lucky to have guys chasing after you. Whenever we fight, you alway have some one else that is there to make you smile. What you fail to realize is that as you’re there smiling, all I can do is think about you. I have no outlet, no one wants to hear my sob story. So I am going to move on, and give you the green light. But do not expect me to come back to you when you realize that no one is better than me.

I want to be your friend. And I told you that I would be your best friend. But at one point I was the only one you were kissing… Those times are gone and they no longer exist. We have not kissed in a while and I can tell you wanted to try something new. Well I am glad you did. I know that I should be fine with it but it still hurts… More than you will ever know.